i miss how we were.

it's been a year since the creation of the GGs.
and now, it's...gone?

we've all gone off, forgot the essence of what we were:
girlfriends.

7 Months. 6 Years.

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever, oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know,
they'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead a way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view,
I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you

thank you

alia fadia bte mazlan and nafisah anwar,
i love you guys to bits.
you made my day..considering the day sucked, you guys totally pulled out of my depressed stupor.

thank you to everybody who wished me well.
especially you,luqman bhai.(:

scratch the last post.
i just couldn't be bothered.
hah.

I have never hated anybody as much as I hate Farah Alsagoff.
She says she apologized.
Well maybe she did, about her so-called joke.
But not about insulting my sister.

This is it Farah. I want nothing more to do with you.
You bring me to no goodness; in fact you make me swear left right and centre,something I'm trying to abstain from.
Go ahead and take your place wherever, cause I sure don't give a shit.

Have fun!

i'll be gone.
this blog,dead.
goodbye.

Replaced

screw bloggerrrrr.

i feel replaced.
out of the circle.
non-existent.

gone.

at least i still have my best friend.

nothing

Blogger's being an arse.

I have nothing to update.
Nothing at all.

I've just been so very happy.

ALIA FADIAAA.

sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau sorry tau

):

The Truth, I Told

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed to for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, i never needed strain
My love for you was strong enough you should have known

I never needed you for judgement
I never needed you to question what i spent
I never ask for help, i take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eye's hurt, hand's shiver,
So look at me and listen to me because

I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, i get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how i act to what i say
I never needed words
I never needed hurts
I never needed you to be there everyday

I'm sorry for the way i let go
From everything i wanted when you came along
But i'm never beaten from broken up defeats
I know next to you is not where i belong

And it's a little late for explanations
There isn't anything for you to do
And my eye's hurt, hand's shiver,
So you will listnen when i say

I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, i get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush

No more words, no more lies, no more crying
No more pain, no more hurt, no more trying

I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, i get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush

Scattered Nonsense

I'm so hungry.
Serious.

Eh I miss HidaFeeksAliaSarahHaliimSepalHanafi.
Macam babi.

Okay,let's not deviate from the more important shizz in life.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was CRAP.
I watched it with the boy..and I fell asleep.
Apart from the omission of several vital parts of the book, they added on scenes which had no link whatsoever to the book in question.
That would not be so bad, but the movie was just dead.
Knowing the book from cover to cover did not help either.
Ngeh.

Isra' Mi'raj.

I'm off to meet the boy at Ubi for his bike practical.

high on you,high on love

I experienced something...beautiful today.
Mere words can hardly begin to describe that emotion.

it's called love.

static

SIP is making me brain dead.

Not my family, imbecile

Dear Farah,

Don't you diss my sister online.She did not call you a bitch to your face. She was merely expressing her view on your behaviour, to me. I only told you what she said to drive in how shocking and apalling you little 'joke' was. I have never insulted your family members. My sister was standing up for me. Instead of insulting her publicly, think about what she said. You don't tolerate rudeness? Respect is earned. My family loved you. Heck, my whole family was worried about you. One week, this charade went on. And you can tell me it was light hearted? I was about to call you and say it was okay, but I happened to read your blog first. You insult my sister, you're insulting me and my family. Remember when Aqmar insulted your mother? I don't give a damn if you or Haliim or whoever thinks I'm overreacting. I was worried, very much so. You disappoint me, Farah, in more ways than one. Knowing you, you're just going to blow up and start screwing me online or something. I don't care. But don't you dare touch my family.

Farahyn

Turkey: Part 2

Before I continue about Turkey, I'll update you guys about what's been going on in my life. I got hit on by some random American dude at Simpang Bedok yesterday night.-.-"
Truly a funny encounter. Ask me if you want to know what he said.

Dad just left for Melaka this afternoon with Abang. Ngehh.

Ok,back to Turkey.

Turkey is a land rich in culture and history. Like 1400s kind of old. Turkey has the most beautiful mosques in the world, I swear. Minarets and domes,cold cold marble. They don't even need air-con. I went to the Green Mosque first. This mosque was built in the 1400s (or was it 1600s?). Stained glass windows,archways, intricate carvings and paintings, 8 storey high dome. Gorgeous. Ruins from the Ottoman Empire scattered around the city. Centuries of culture. I would love to go there again. Oh, and Turkish people LOVE cheese. They don't eat rice, they eat bread. Turkey is 10% in Europe and 90% in Asia.

Roses in Turkey

Transformers 2 was a great movie. Fantastic animations. Of course, the company was fabulous too. (: I've watched like 6 movies with him within 2 months. Of course, movies are never complete unless you have that delectable container of sushi, chocolate milk and wasabe!

I've been meaning to tell you guys about my trip. Let's start off with Turkey.

Ok, Turkish service sucks. Seriously. They need to go for that good service campaign crap. But I swear, Turkey is a land of beautiful people,be they young or old. Brunettes, blondes, redheads, you name it. I can't even begin to describe the hotness of the guys. Turkey is a beautiful country. Fine, at first it was like driving into Johor, but then the land gave way to rolling hills and craggy mountains. If you suck at parking on slopes, don't ever drive in Turkey. The roads are ALL uphill. And it's a freaking steep uphill, with no safety dividers or whatever. First stepping out into Turkish air, the first thought that hit me was, "Ooohhh! Fantastic weather!" Mind you,it's summer over there. My tour guide, Syukran, was going, "Oh, it is summer now. The weather is very hot, 23 degrees!" I was like, you ought to be in Singapore man. Refreshing air aside, there's no tropical plants,like our raintrees and hibiscus and ixora. There were evergreens, oaktrees, cedar trees, and roses EVERYWHERE. They plant roses the way we plant bougainvilla bushes. I was so tempted to pick some. Res,purple,yellow, white,pink. Did I mention that they harvest wheat?

That's all for now.

Mockery and Scorn

Well, I'm back from my trip. It was tremendous fun, not to mention enlightening and a trip that opened new doors.

I'm sick of people asking me whether I've changed. Please,guys, stop asking me that. It may seem that I haven't, outwardly. Whatever changes there are, only I know. Minute changes, that I keep to my heart. I know, I've been to Umrah. But that does not mean that I am to change instantaneously. That is unfair. I smile and laugh it off, but inside, I cringe at the mocking tone, the scorn. So please guys, do understand.

This post is not aimed at anybody directly, just an outpouring of what I feel. General post, perchance?
I'll tell all about my trip in detail in the next post.

last

i'm flying off in 5 hours.
this is my last post before i leave.

call my dad's hp if anything.
get the number from haliim or farah.

i love you.

fly away

i'll be gone tomorrow.

flight's at 11pm.
i'll be at the airport at around 8.30pm?
terminal 1.
i think.

hahahah.

i'm going to miss all of you.
like seriously.

especially you and you and you.

pray for my safety loves.

you know the feeling when you miss someone so bad that your arms ache from wanting to hug them?

skipped a beat

kenduri today, for the going to umrah thing.
tired.

but i got to meet mr symm for a few minutes.
(((:

i'm tired.
i swear i'm gonna get asthma tomorrow.
i'm just done entertaining my mother and sister.
by saying the news anchor's lines with exaggerated accents.

-.-"

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged
Its so hard to say, but I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay...

Chorus:
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here;
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday,
But at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.

Don't wanna leave it all behind,
But I get my hopes up and watch them fall everytime
Another color turns to grey
And its just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away.
I'm leaving today cause I've gotta do what's best for me,
You'll be okay..

Chorus:
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here;
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday,
But at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.

Troy:
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

Gabriella:
What about trust?

Troy:
You know I never wanted to hurt you.

Gabriella:
And what about me?

Troy:
What am I supposed to do?

Gabriella:
I gotta leave but ill miss you.

Troy:
I'll miss you.

Gabriella:
So I've got to move on and be who I am.

Troy:
Why do you have to go?

Gabriella:
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

Troy:
I'm trying to understand

Gabriella:
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now

Troy:
I want you to stay

Gabriella:
I wanna go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am

Troy:
What about us?

Gabriella:
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

Troy:
I'm trying to understand

Gabriella:
We might find our place in this world someday but at least for now,
I've gotta go my own way,
I've gotta go my own way,
I've gotta go my own way.

but oh well.

melancholy

i feel melancholy all of a sudden.
no..make that depressed.
i want to cry, yet i don't know why.

my heart is heavy.

a very happy birthday to my brother, my sister, and kak jannah.
may Allah bless you always.

i'll be gone by next saturday.
and i won't be back till school reopens.
i know i haven't been around much, guys.
but i miss you guys a lot.
like really.

alia fadia, get better soon.
i'll come by tomorrow.
i love you babe.



i still do.
but how?

Happy Birthday,Sepal

yes, happy birthday to you.
it's been what,5 years?
you know i love you.

so go take license uh abeh.
ahahahahah.
*hugs*


and today, modelling.
i'll tell all about it.
but not now.
i am drained.

Vulcan BoncetMan

and it's the beginning.

Vulcan

star trek.
yeesh.i can't believe i watched a sci-fi movie.
-.-"

but oh well.
i had a great day.
(:

but i miss.

WTH

laugh out loud

SIP: Slack In Peace?

i drove every single day last week.
auto,manual.
wish,lancer.
ngeh.

but man.
i'm hating sip.
sitting at geylang, surveying people.
tomorrow, tekka.

i miss hida, feeks, sarah,alia, farah.
luqman,azfar,elfy,haliim.

so badly.

*sigh*

TOP OF THE WORLD

I PASSED.
i am now officially a
DRIVER.

oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah.
thanks to everyone who prayed for me.

*victory dance*

(:

could it get any better than this?

scared but happy

i have less than 24 hours to go.

EH BABIS.
AKU MISS KORANG UH.

pray for me tau.
and i'm happy uh.
don't know uh why.

hahahahahahahahahahaha.

(:

the countdown

i have less that 48 hours left to my TP.

oh please,pray for me.
i've been having panic attacks.
-.-

and i'm so happy.

top of the world

i had the most wonderful day yesterday.
fast & furious, the beach.

and all i can do is to smile.
((((((((((((((((((((:

At this particular time, you are feeling that you are or were unjustly and undeservedly treated and/or betrayed in your hopes and dreams. You feel that everything is against you. But look on the bright side for you are, whether you believe it or not, a survivor.

You are a leader and possibly at this tine in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.

You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual, pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure. But this is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions and perhaps repent at leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real 'you' - the you that you would like to be.
Your stress and anxiety are a result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that the emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly and you have come to the end of your tether. On the one hand you would like to free yourself from this relationship altogether, yet on the other hand, you don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away something - something that's precious, something that could be the 'Real Thing'. Perhaps for the first time in your life you really don't know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are causing you the untold stress. You are pretending to the world that you don't care but even this air of pretence is causing you much heartache.

You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.

silent suffering

i paste that smile on everyday.

no one knows my pain.

i swallow their insults, their injustice.

nobody knows.

i cry alone.










and i really, really cannot take it anymore.

and so i'm back from week 0.
i have to say, the event was a success.
no, engine did not win anything, but we know that we were, we are and will always be the true champions.
(:

i shall update more when i'm in the mood.

Go tell my friends for me
That I'm not coming back.
Go tell the gang for me
That I can dance no more.

I'm walking in the graveyard now
And I am all alone.
And I'll be gone before the leaves
Begin to fall again

I had the stage, I had the light,
The music was the tale.
But things are tinged with purple now
And these sad notes I play.

I wait until the autumn comes
And I will be no more.

From Blood Canticle

hiatus

i'll be off to camp tomorrow!
i'll only be back on friday night.

so whoever, take me out on tues/weds/thurs night please!

i miss my GGs.
like really truly.

I'M TOTALLY BOMBED THAT I MISSED THE SHEESHA OUTING LAH CAN.
COS I'VE BEEN WANTING TO GO SINCE FOREVER.

moo.
at least i'll be outta the house the whole day tomorrow.
helping out at Alkaff in the morning, driving in the afternoon, and BBQ at night.
(:

someone take me out on tuesday/wednesday/thursday night please.

cuts me open every single time

happy birthday, beloved

AHMED HALIIM KHAN

i would like to wish this very special person a very happy 19th birthday.
we've been through ups and downs, and merry-go-rounds.
but no matter what,
i will love you till the bitter end.
my twin brother, my mirror in thoughts.
my used- to-be love, my irritating best friend.
my haliim khan.
meh bohot pyaar kartihu, meri jaan.
tumhara meri ek dosti, ye he zindaagi.


i'm sorry i couldn't come down last night,you know my restrictions.

mother

a couple of my friends have been having trouble with their mothers.

a mother is the one who carried us for 9 months, endured excruciating pain to bring us into the world, wiped up our vomit, our faeces, cuddled us when we were scared, who would die for us.

they've brought us up, given us so much time, effort and love.
unconditional love.

no matter how we treat them, no matter what goes wrong, no matter what happens,
they will be there for you.

no matter what she says,
she will love you.

i'm turning 19 this year.
my mother has nurtured me, brought me up to be who i am today.
and i know i'll never be able to repay her.

how much a mother sacrifices.

we go out with our friends, we have fun.
back at home, our mothers wait, often alone.

a mother watches her baby grow up.
oh yes, she's glad her baby turned out okay.
but she's sad.
after all the years she spent caring for us,
we forget.
we do not spend time with them.
take time to talk to them.
to cuddle her, and return the love she has given us.

a mother will scold, nag, berate.
but she's scolding because she cares.
maybe she nags because she's frustrated, not getting to see her child often enough.
she will berate, because she does not want her child to make mistakes.

years, she puts up with our crap.
we are old enough to get angry, to be stubborn, to think.
but when have we ever put up with her nagging?
more often than not, we scold her right back.

it's her plea; of missing her child.
we will soon be leaving her nest.

tell her, you love her every single day.
even if physical love is not really practiced in your family, give her a hug, no matter how awkward.

because she's your mother.
and she will always love you.

tempest

i love the anticipation of a storm.
the clouds gray, the skies overcast.

the world seems to freeze, to hold it's breath.
always, always, one will hear a door slam, the rush of closing windows.
sometimes, the whistling of the wind.

then, just when i give up watching and waiting for the heavens to open, it will pour its heart.

the anticipation of a tempest is a beautiful feeling.

closure

and so i ended my diatribe.

an amiable parting.
and so the chapter is closed.

till the next chapter begins.

i've said goodbye

updates, in a sentence

yes, i have not been blogging for ages.
due to some unforeseen circumstances.

the pathetic person who styles herself as sya should so get a life.
i'll settle that later.

i still cannot absorb the fact that abg hafiz is gone.

i asked daddy for $100 to go shopping with junior banu, and he handed it over, cool as you please.

time out.

cinderella, that i am. but where the hell is the ball?

so totally looking foward to next week.

confused as hell.

the past? is it to reenact?

i need chocolate.

thrashed.

urge to run away, bubbling up again. why?

i miss my girls very much.


yes, this post is mainly about what's been going on.

Al-Fatehah

please hadiahkan an Al-Fatehah to
Muhd Hafiz Bin Abdul Hamid.

he just passed away.
he was 25.

he's khairul's older brother.

they're out

my results are:

1. Organisational Communication A
2. Systems Modelling & Simulation B
3. Understanding Theatre B
4. Manufacturing Logistics & Simulation C
5. Managing Information in Organisations C
6. Process Optimisation & Improvement C+
7. Management Systems & Assessment C+

yeahhhh.
i passed.

SIP, here i come.

i'm pissed and frustrated and worried and sad.

wonderful

life has been fantastic.
yesterday was the favourite boy's chalet.
fun fun funnnnn.

today went to meet them after they checked out.
breakfast at mcD's.
then poooooooool.
BAIK AH ALIA! hahah.
alia improved!
wooh wooh.
i do love thee, favourite boy.

hida was stoned.HAH.
alia will put up her stoned pics.

even housework's not bad.

and farah,
you CANNOT fit into my maxi dress.
go shrink a bit.HAHAHAHAHAH.
or give me some ah abeh.
too bad uh, that's life.

muchos love.

hida! hahahaha.

random nonsense.
here's to my girlfriend!

candlelight and incense

i'm a maid now.
seriously.
my maid went back for good.
so with no maid around, guess who's the replacement then?
yep, me.
no, i don't mind.
kind of fun, mooning around the house alone.
AND I'M COOKING LAH.
farahyn, cooking.
wth.

but today was more...interesting.
that's for me to know and for you to not find out.
(((:

looking foward to driving tomorrow and meeting the girls.

melancholy

i wanted to blog about so many things.
but they all just slipped my mind.
i'm feeling rather melancholy right now.
i have no idea why.

I'll have your hand
I'll have your heart
I'll have them all together,
For if you think I'll settle for part,
Prepare for stormy weather

unconditional love

i'm so tired, so tired.
2 hours of sleep, and now i'm sick.

but it was all worth it in the end.

i love you.

enough said.

dying

happy 11 monthsary baby.
i love you, so very much.

but where are you now?
you called at 1, said you'll be meeting your supplier.
you said you'll be gone for only 25 minutes.
but now, 7 hours later, you're still not home, your phone's dead.

i'm so worried.
please, oh please call me soon.

i love you.

tired

excuse me?
YOU give in?

go read september 2007 posts,you deluded child.

remember?JC friends are way cooler than poly ones, apparently.
and apparently, me being replaced didn't count.

and you talk like we have fights every single month.
you were hardly ever there, for god's sake,so how can there even BE a fight?


and as usual the tables are turned on me.
and talking about pride?
yeah, finally i realized i do have it.
you put me down too much farah.
maybe you don't realize it, but you do.
i believe we discussed this issue once.

i love you, very much so, as my own flesh and blood.
heck, we do have some of the same blood.

but i got my pride, and you got yours.
so if you're done.

then done.

ditto

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

You are feeling very disillusioned at this time and you feel that you are being left out of things. You know - or you think you know - what you want, but you seem unable to exert the effort to achieve your objectives. As a consequence, you are feeling left out and neglected. You would like to be afforded greater security and fewer problems.

You honestly believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, but there seems to be no one around to give you the necessary reassurance and encouragement. You are egocentric. You believe that you are always 'right' - well maybe you are but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You are stressful, angry and disgruntled. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future. You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved and this is not only causing mental stress but heartache. You need to get away from it all - you need to have time to think, to recuperate, to be able to make your own decisions.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

to the same person who blatantly knows i'm talking about her

well farah, here goes.

since i really cannot stand the sight of you right now, i'll blog it then.

here's my point of view.
i feel that you are being totally ridiculous and unfair.
i broke up with him.and settled the matter within 3 hours.
the only reason haliim and the rest knew, was because they were with me from the time the fight began.
and you're angry because of this one bloody stupid point:
you're not the first to know

how unfair is that?
try thinking about it this way.
i'm trying to settle the problem with him.
i did not need any middle person whatsoever.
and i was too distraught.
i will not be thinking about who to inform.
if things did not work out, the first people to know would be you and haliim, and you know that.

2 years, you were in JC.
i barely got to talk to you on the phone, let alone meet you.
you had other friends.
i did not complain.
because i understand.
i'm not the only friend in your life.
like natasha is to you, that's how haliim is to me.

this is me, clarifying myself.
cause i'm not going to call and grovel or whatever.
i've enough of bullshit.
i'm not going to put myself down for something in which i am not in the wrong.

if my supposed "mistake" was not informing you FIRST,
then so be it.

this is so merepek that i can't believe you're blowing it out of proportion.

sarah, here's my effort.
and i'm being totally transparent.
so now the ball's in her court alright?

angry, very much so

today was a total blast, spending time with the gang.
congratulations to senget for passing her BTT!

i swear, i was having fun...
until some unsavoury character came.

and boy, was i angry the rest of the day.
like really really angry.
i'm just glad i kept myself in check.

hida got hit on by some italian ang moh freaky dude.
LOL.
funny,i tell you.

pictures, not with me.
and i'm so tired.

i feel drained, physically, emotionally, mentally.
i'm glad i got to meet the favourite boy today.

limau looked like ANTM

it's only the 2nd day of holidays, and i'm already bored out of my mind.
yesterday,all i did was go to school for an hour to drop a book.
but i did get to meet limau, gigi, tetek and pork.

today on the other hand, was much more interesting.
limau,tetek and gigi came over.
and when girls get together...
yes, make up, trying on dress after dress, swooning over hot guys(in this case,SHAHRUKH KHAN in omshantiom), and more make up.

and today is feeks' special day.
((((:
you have to tell me what happened later tau.TAU.

looking foward

EXAMS ARE OVER!

time to sit back, relax and have fun!
i'm looking foward to wednesday and friday!
wednesday, my girls are coming over.
friday, picnic!

oh, talking about friday,
you guys had better bring food.
like FOOD food.
POTLUCK OI.
do you want me to cook ayam masak merah or chilli crab?
and sepal, you have to come.like must tau.
eh but don't all bring food but nobody bring drinks ah abeh.

luqman baby, can you come?
skip luthfansa for a day uhhhh.

and and and i had the most fantastic time with the favourite boy.
((((((((:

all the best to those who still have exams!

colorgenics is so bloody true

Name: farah
Date: 2/22/2009
Colorgenics Number: 67302451

---

At this particular time you are perhaps setting yourself too high a target and so you are living in the land of 'make believe'. It would also seem that you have been bitterly disappointed in the past and you are at a stage where you feel that you can trust nobody. You would like to forget it all and turn your back on the past and start anew.

Being impulsive and irritable, your desires and needs are paramount. You do things with insufficient thought - with little regard to the consequences that may follow. As a consequence of this attitude, you may be experiencing stress and conflict.

Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!

You are exhausted, over stressed and you refuse to give in. You are trying to minimise the tension by being physically active. It would seem that you are experiencing problems with an existing relationship and try as you might, you find it impossible to alter the situation because there is no co-operation. There is an urgent need for proper understanding which may only be accomplished by communication. At this time you feel that there is no 'give and take' on either side. This is resulting in constant depression. You are irritable and it could be said by your nearest and dearest that 'you are hard to live with'. You feel the urgent need to get away from it all - even it's only for a little while. You may be finding it difficult now to make firm decisions - you are restless and generally uptight.

Circumstances are such that you have been exposed to considerable stress and tension, perhaps due to unfulfilled emotional needs. You would like nothing better than to escape from it all by retiring to some 'fantasy land' where you are permitted to RELAX and get back your strength.

You want to be regarded as an exiting and interesting personality able to persuade others to comply with your beliefs and ideas. You are charming and able to influence other people who come into your sphere of influence. You like mental stimulation and you are the sort of person who is prepared to 'try anything once'. Your confidence is so much so that others are often swept away by your enthusiasm.

You are willing to try anything once. You 'need to be needed' and what is perhaps more important you 'need to need.' You can only feel close to a person or persons when you feel you can trust them, but this trust needs to be proven to you.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You don't like conflict and you endeavour to avoid criticism. You want to do your own thing and to be able to decide what is right for you. You have considerable personable charm - and this is used with considerable effect on those that keep your company.

because i don't need bullshit

I am sick and tired of fighting.
So just leave me alone,
because I don't depend on anybody for my happiness.
Thank you.

I am happy with the friends I have,
who understand,
who do not have bloody issues,
who are not on their high horse.

GGs, PorkMasters, My Sunshine,
I love you guys.
Thanks for being there.

getting used to this

MLS today was okay.
considering i did millions of past year papers.
ngeh.

anyway.
i had a great day.
loads of laughs.

i love my girls.


i'm sick of all this.
just think of the times when you did not tell me stuff.
then?
i was incoherent.
the only thinking i did was about how to settle the problem.
and the first person that came to mind was ahk.
it's okay.

i'm getting used to this.

to be kind

i'm not gna acknowledge crap.

and i don't tolerate people making my friends cry.
if you can't understand why i flipped,here's why.

you called me, minutes after your breakup.
and told me.
you were depressed, suicidal, etc.
i listened to you, gave you support, was horrified with you, cried with you.
i read hate tags about you, i read her dissing you online.
her saying you're not important and all that jazz.
i stuck with you through it.
you woke me up in the night to spill your heart.
i listened, even though i was sick,very much so.
i stayed, because you were my friend.

now ponder.
after all the bullshit you went through,
after sticking with you.
you're going back to what hurt you most.
okay, if it makes you happy, then i'm glad for you.
but you have not thought of what might happen next.
this is point A.

now point B.
you know what happened, that friday the 13th.
and you were with her the day BEFORE you went back to the other her.
talk about...i don't know lah eh.
even my favourite boy's appalled and he's not the kind to give a shit.
nobody else knows, what happened that day.
or the day we were at your place.
so everyone may think i'm being a bitch.

i'm not going to apologize, because i believe in giving my friends the truth, so they won't get hurt.
i'm not going to grovel at your feet.

if you need me,i'll be here.
if i have to be cruel to be kind, then so be it.

i don't even know if you'll read this.
take care hanafi.

bang your head on the wall

Name: Farahyn Banu
Date: 2/18/2009
Colorgenics Number: 25146073

---

You are striving to make favourable impressions all of the time and you are going out of your way to make the impression that you are something special. You are constantly on the watch to see how your friends and neighbours are reacting to your various ploys. But this is so unnecessary because most of the time you are in control of the situation - and you are, in the nicest sense of the word, a 'manipulator' because you use various strategies very cleverly in order to influence and obtain the necessary recognition.

You are willing to try anything once. You 'need to be needed' and what is perhaps more important you 'need to need.' You can only feel close to a person or persons when you feel you can trust them, but this trust needs to be proven to you.

You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.

The unwanted situation in which you presently find yourself is causing you considerable stress and frustration and your feeling is that whatever you try to do to remedy this is to no avail. You feel trapped. You want to get away from it all as you feel that you are banging your head against a brick wall getting nowhere. You have turned your aggression inwards and you are furious with yourself for not being able to achieve your goals. You need to go away, somewhere where there are less restrictions and where you can be free to make your own decisions.

Overwork - be it mental stress or physical strain, you are completely worn out and this depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation. You feel disappointed with your obvious lack of energy and powerless to do anything about it. You are angry with yourself and this frustration shows. You are contradictory and argumentative and feel helpless to change the situation at this time. Take a break - even if it is only for a few days - allow yourself to breath, to unwind - you'll feel much better for it. Then trust and let go.

_____________________________________________________________________________

i found this on husrin's blog.

and boy, it is pretty accurate.what the hell.

especially about the frustrated and banging head on the wall part.

ok go.

contentment

today was a day much needed.
i didn't realize that i needed it till i went through the day.

hida baby and the favourite boy.
two of my most favourite people in the world right now.
just the 3 of us, the sun and the wind.
the lapping of water.

peace.
i felt contented.
and i had fun, quiet fun.
words barely spoken.
the three of us in harmony.
(:

yes, i know exams are on friday.
it's not like i have not been studying.
tomorrow, i will do/re-do 13 past year exam papers.
yes, 13.

and to a friend.
you know i don't like it.
and i knew something was going on.
you didn't have to hide.
but if you think you're doing right, well, so be it.
i hope you'll think.

wait.
scratch all that.

i'm bloody disappointed in you.

messed up

i'm sorry that i didn't tell you guys.

but ponder.
i'm feeling like shit and how do you expect me to think?
next time something happens in my life,
i'll make a checklist of who to call.
and i'll call one by one.

wahlau.

talk about understanding.

enough.
anyway.i'm looking foward to later with hida baby.
((((:

goodbye my lover

i didn't want it to end.
i love you, so very much.

but if i piss you off.
i can't make you happy.
i can't ever do anything right.
i don't know what to do.

cause i want to tell you how i feel.
but you always come up with "reasons" for any circumstances.
i wish you'd listen to my heart.
i wish you'd listen.

i've done wrong, i can't escape that.
and i apologize.
but you want to go.

so now i'm dead.

i still love you.

to my wonderful friend

part of the earlier post was deleted.
because i did some rethinking.
also due to some advice.

i have wonderful friends.

to you.
you have been there for me in my roughest times.
and i realize that i have to be here for you in your rough times too.
so here i am, apologizing.
and i love you, very much.

till forever.

....

today, the gang went off to sentosa without me.
i could'nt go, as usual.
spent the morning studying,singing and getting bored out of my mind.

dear sweet hida remembered me and called.
(:

but i finally did manage to get out of the house.
my second cousin's wedding at aljunied.

andandand.
hida,feeks,elfy and haliim came down.
so sweet of them.
thanks guys.
i know you guys were beat,so i appreciate it all the more.

but everybody was like depressed lah.

halo

i keep thinking about yesterday.
friday the 13th.
(:
to the favourite boy.

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

WE HAD FUN TODAY

today was bizarre.
but fun.

an interesting experience.

HAHAHAAH.

happyhappy

yes, i'm posting twice today.

finally, all projects are done.
here's a big thank you to
SOFIA AYU and WENG FONG
i know i have not been much of a help, but i love you guys for tolerating my rubbish.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
(:


and today was great.
with fainting spells and whatnot irregardless, i had a blast with my girls and boys.
and and and.
ifellinlovealloveragain.
(:

the day was ended by having ice blended mocha at coffee bean, spending time with my two greatest scandals, elfy and hida, and of course the favourite boy.
AND i got a pretty new dress.
it was supposed to be $14, but i got a 20% discount.hahahah.
and the day was saved, by the currypuff girls!
kay, no, we did not have any currypuffs.
i just felt like saying that.

waltz with me, my love.

to great friends

there's so many things i want to blog about.
but they all vanished from my train of thought.
-.-"

i really appreciate having really great friends.
so here's a shoutout to you guys.

thank you for standing by me.
thank you for keeping me sane, when i'm so down.
thank you for being YOU.

the GGs, the PorkMasters.(HAH,NEW NAME)
i love you.

(:

hum to dil se haare

i shall stop.
i'm strong, and i'll get through.
and remain true.

the lyrics, so apt.